Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
