Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Randomize
