whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
