My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
