i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
