Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
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