As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
