My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I can't turn off my feet"
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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