Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
