I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
