Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
