I want to make a zoo with you.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i dont even know how to be here
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
