I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
My pussy is not your playground.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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