get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
