just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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