Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
