I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
