he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
