I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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