its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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