he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
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