Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
