My nipple is on Facebook.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
