Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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