I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
