remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Screwed.edu
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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