Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
