Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
