the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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