i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
