I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
