So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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