I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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