I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
where are my eyebrows?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
