8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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