I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Quick, to the slutcave!
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
