do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
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