I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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