I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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