i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Come back. Shots need mouths.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
