i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
