That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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