Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
