I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
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