Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
