so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
