...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
