My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
