He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
