I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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