i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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