Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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