I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
