I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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